Signs

Scientifically I know the importance of rest days, yet I don't take them. I try to justify it by saying that I have a well rounded workout routine, its not like I'm running every single day. I run 3-4 days a week, spin once, do a kickboxing class, do a bootcamp class, and then mix in some yoga and strength training. Deep down though, I know it isn't good for me to go hard every day. 

This week the universe sent me some pretty strong signs that it is time to back off. Monday night I couldn't fall asleep because my left shin hurt so much. I finally admitted to myself that I was injured and it was a bone injury (aka not anything I can run through). 

As hard as it was, I didn't run at all this week. I did some spin, some elliptical, no impact. But I still went hard at every workout. Then last night I woke up in the middle of the night with terrible stomach pain and spent the rest of night and the morning violently vomiting. Over and over.

Okay universe, I hear you. And I definitely took today off. 

Its so hard to explain to others why taking a day off is so hard, it's deep seeded. It's partly, I'm sure, a remnant of the eating disorder I had in high school. It's about control and getting time for myself. It's a long standing habit, and those are the hardest to break. But as soon as I have a healthy leg and a healthy GI system I'm going to try. 

The Moon is a Thing

disclaimer: This post has zero to do with running, so if thats what you are here for, feel free to skip this one.

I was talking a fellow Mom at a playdate recently and we both mentioned that we had noticed the moon the night before. There had been this beautiful, bright, full moon that we both saw from inside our houses. Sadly it wasn't the beauty of the moon that we noticed- instead we both realized that neither of us had even seen the moon in months. The bright light streaming in our windows made us realize that, oh yeah, the moon is still a thing, it still exists."

Deep in the trenches of raising a small child, I don't often get to leave my house after 6:30 pm. I don't often get to see the moon. I can live with a lack of moon sightings in my life, but it's harder to be without all the other things I used to do outside of my house after 6:30pm. I used to go to evening yoga classes, out to happy hour or to dinner, to wine tastings, to concerts, to the monthly Portland art walk. I used to be able to run to the store if I wanted ice cream.

I have a husband who works nights and weekends. In some ways this is great. It allows us to have opposite work schedules so we don't have to pay for daycare, which saves us a LOT of money. But it means that I solo parent most evenings, that I'm not free when the rest of the world us usually free. The one or two nights a week when we are both home, I have to choose between having time as family or getting to go out and do something for myself. I"m only working part time right now, so that I can have more time with Cooper. It's a gift to get this time, but it also means we don't have a lot of extra money. Meaning that paying a babysitter so I can go out is rarely an option.

I know these years with small kids are short when you look at a whole lifetime. I love snuggling and reading books and singing before bed with my little boy. But right now I'm also feeling a little like a prisoner in my own house. It gets awfully lonely and boring. I default to TV and ice cream every night because I'm too tired and too stuck in my rut to do anything more productive or fulfilling. But I guess I can at least step out onto the deck and look at the moon, now that I've been reminded that it is still up there.