Introducing Cooper

Well hello. It's been quite awhile since I posted, but with good reason. I was busy growing, birthing, and then trying to keep alive a tiny human!

I am proud to announce that Cooper was born on January 17th weighing 6lbs 4.5oz.

The day after my due date I went to a kickboxing class in the morning to try and shake him out. It worked! A couple hours after class I went into labor! There was no easing into it for this baby- I went right to having contractions every 2 minutes lasting for a full minute. Unfortunately it took my body about 20 hours to figure out that this meant get ready to push the baby out. But eventually things starting opening up and Cooper was born. It certainly wasn't easy, but it was worth it as soon as they put that little baby on my belly.

I am settling into life as a new mother. It isn't easy, but I have an amazing husband, family, and friends all supporting me. This little guy has so much love in life already.

As for this blog- I have been feeling the urge to write again, especially since I've started running again (more on that another day!). But I am also realistic- it is all I can do to shower some days. So I am not making any promises about regular posts, but I am also not calling it quits.

Any advice from Moms out there about the first few months? What is new in your world?

A runner who isn't running

In the past month or so I've been shortening my running intervals and adding more walking. Running was getting a lot less comfortable as the baby bump got bigger. I started having pubic symphysis pain, round ligament pain, and constantly felt like I had to pee. As much as I want it to, running just doesn't feel good. 

Now I am definitely walking more than I am running and I know the day is coming soon where it won't make sense to try and run at all. 

It's been a core part of my identity for so long that I feel a little lost without it. Walking is certainly better than nothing, but it isn't the same. 

Am I still a runner if I can't run?

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

I've been doing "track workouts" with some friends on Sunday. I used the quotation marks because while I am at the track, I am not doing anything approaching speed-work. 

I need to buy this shirt

It's a great place for a pregnant runner because the softer surface is easier on my body and there are bathrooms....... or at least there were bathrooms. 

Yesterday morning I figured it was fine to have a cup of coffee and drink a bunch of water because there were porta-potties at the track. And then I got there and found that they had been removed during the week. Noooooooooooooo. 

After 15 minutes of "running," it was clear that I either needed to find a place to pee or give up. The challenge is that the track is surrounded by fairly busy roads on 3 sides. There was no place where I couldn't be seen by someone. But desperate times call for desperate measures so I squatted behind a little shed- it was quasi sheltered, but I am sure someone saw me. And then I did it again 15 minutes later...... and 15 minutes after that. 

Sacrificing my dignity was totally worth it to make it through the whole workout. 

Where is the strangest place you've ever had to go to the bathroom while running?

Second Trimester Recap

Holy moly, I can't believe I am now in my third trimester! That means I'm going to have a baby pretty darn soon. This trimester seemed both very short and very long. Here's a recap!

13 weeks!

Unpleasant symptoms: The nausea and vomiting did not go away right at 12 weeks, like I had hoped it would. I continued to have the constant nausea and need Zofran in order to be able to eat until about 16-17 weeks. Then, it slowly ebbed and I started to feel like my old self. Hallelujah! Once I stopped taking the Zofran, the constipation also got a lot better, although I continued to need Colace. The heartburn on the other hand, starting increasing as the nausea decreased. But I will take heartburn over constant nausea any day! I can manage the heartburn by eating smaller meals, staying upright after I eat, and with drugs when necessary. Other than that, the second trimester felt like a breeze compared to the first- I had a lot more energy and overall felt pretty good.

18 weeks

Exercise:  I'm still running and doing pretty much everything I did pre-pregnancy, just more slowly. I was travelling for work most of this trimester- so most of my running was on the treadmill. It was a real reality check the first week when my pace was right there staring me in the face and I realized that my old easy pace was now my hard pace. But I just keep reminding myself that this isn't a time to set records- it is about staying active to keep me sane and healthy. I've kept going to my metabolic conditioning classes- I've just lightened up on the weights and made some modifications (I can still do a burpee but it is pretty funny looking!).

22 weeks

Food:  Once the nausea subsided it was so nice to get back to my regular diet. I had missed fruits and vegetables and protein. I didn't have crazy weird cravings, but I did find that certain things tasted amazing and I wanted to eat them over and over. My poor husband was stuck eating Caesar salad every night for about a month, and during that same period I ate a mozzarella, tomato, and pesto sandwich every day for lunch. I definitely craved a lot more salty, crunchy foods than I did pre-pregnancy (Omg have you tried the Cape Cod Aged White Cheddar & Sour Cream chips), but I also started to enjoy my favorite sweet treats again.

25 weeks

Highs & Lows:  The absolute high was our 20 week ultrasound. Getting to see his little face made him seem so much more real (once he finally rolled over that it- he was so stubborn and only wanted to show us his butt!)  My other favorite part was starting to feel him move. It went from the faintest flutters to real kicks and jabs. Even though it is a little uncomfortable at times, it is reassuring to feel him bopping around in there. The low was losing my mother in law to cancer at the end of August. It was much sooner than we expected, and it breaks my heart that the baby won't get to meet her. She would have been such a good grandmother. I am so grateful though, that she at least got to be there for half of the pregnancy. She also got to give him the greatest gift- his name.

27 weeks!

I am excited, and nervous, as I enter the third trimester. I'm excited for my baby shower and setting up the nursery. But I know that the third trimester will have a lot more physical discomforts and that at the end of it I am going to have to give birth to a baby and learn how to become a Mom. Scary Stuff!

I'm an RN

Even though I graduated with my BSN more than a month ago, I was waiting to write anything about it because the degree meant nothing until I passed the boards........ which I did yesterday! I am officially an RN!

I'd never had so much riding on one exam, so it was a very nerve wracking weekend as I waited to get my results. Now that the whole going back to school and changing careers thing is over, I am kind of at a loss. It was such an intense experience that I am feeling a little lost without it. So I am trying to use this time to reflect on the experience and see what I can take away from it.

I need to believe in myself. 
First I didn't think I'd get in (getting in to my accelerated BSN program is harder than getting into Harvard undergrad). Then I didn't think I belonged there and felt so intimidated by the other students. Then I didn't think I had the tenacity or the stamina to make it through the grueling program. Then I didn't think I would pass the NCLEX.

In all of those cases I was so wrong. I got in. I got a 4.0 GPA and was near the top of my class. I made it through. I passed the boards with the minimum number of questions. Like in marathon running, I need to believe in myself. I am tough, I have made it through so many challenging things. I need to remind myself of that when I have doubts.

It's all about the people
The members of my cohort are what made this program for me. Instead of being competitive, we chose to come together and support each other. It would have been so much harder without them. In the end, I will remember the people more than any single thing I learned.

This is important for me to remember because I tend to draw inward when challenged or stressed. I block people out, thinking it will make it easier. It won't. Form relationships, support people, and let them support you. It will make it easier and give it so much more meaning.

And now if anyone needs me, I'll be applying for a million and ten jobs.

Letting Go

I've never been terribly competitive about my running. It is something I do for myself in order to stay healthy. I get my sense of accomplishment from finishing races and runs, not so much from my time.

my old enemy

So I am surprised how hard it is for me to let go and stop caring about my pace now that I'm pregnant.

It's really been more apparently lately because I am doing a consulting job that involves weekly travel, so I am running on the treadmill in the hotel gym instead of outside. My pace is right there in my face the whole run, mocking me. When I was outside, I didn't check my watch until the end of the run so I could at least pretend that I was going fast. I hadn't been on a treadmill during my pregnancy until now and it was a shock to find out that what used to be my recovery pace is now my fast interval pace.

I have this arbitrary idea that in order to make it worth running, I have to be under a 10 min/mile. And now I'm realizing that I can't do that anymore. It's a lot harder to accept than I thought.

Most of my brain knows that I am just running so that the baby and I are both healthy. I am running to relieve stress and maintain a sense of normalcy when so much else is changing. I know that it is normal to be getting slower and slower, and that this is only temporary. But I still can't let go of that little bit of disappointment when I log my run and see it calculate my pace.

Has anyone else ever struggled with this? 

Life

Once again sorry for the all the silence around here, but life has just been coming at me full force lately. Last week especially was a culmination of so many of the big things that have been happening in my life lately. In just 7 days so much happened:

I graduated from nursing school

We lost my Mother-in-law to cancer

I got to see my baby's face on ultrasound for the first time




It's amazing how much joy and sadness can co-exist.

It is just this week as I took a few days up at my Mom's house to slow down and rest that I could finally begin to process things. I will have more to say about all of these things, but for now I just wanted to let you know that I'm still here.