Adjustment

I am a runner in every sense of the word. Not only do I run for exercise, but I've always run my way through life. As soon as my alarm goes off I am up and moving. I've always filled my days with as much as possible- exercise, baking, errands, long dog walks, eating out, exploring, time with friends, etc...

This week he learned that he can grab his own feet

When Cooper was born obviously the pace of my life slowed somewhat, but he was still pretty portable. As long as he was full, he would sleep just as happily in the car, in his car seat, or in someone's arms as he would in his crib at home.

In recent weeks that has changed. In order to get a good nap in he really needs to be alone in his rock n play in a quiet space. When he doesn't get good naps he turns into a major cranky pants and the whole day derails. Basically after he wakes up, is changed and eats, I have about an hour to try and run and do something before he needs to be back at home to nap again. He also hasn't yet settled into a schedule where he naps at about the same time every day for about the same amount of time. This makes it pretty impossible to make plans in advance.

It's a major adjustment and it is hard. There are days when I feel like a prisoner in my own house- albeit a prisoner with a treadmill and Netflix and a fully stocked kitchen. I knew having a baby was going to change my life, but I feel lately like I can't even do the baby related things I was looking forward to- like going to Mom & Me groups or going for long walks.

I love this little guy with all my heart and I love being a Mom. But I miss being able to run- to go for a run, to run to the store, to run to meet a friend for coffee.

What's next with Running?

In the past few weeks my running has really clicked. I feel like I'm nearly back to where I was before I was pregnant (when I was not training for anything in particular). I'm running for about an hour 3-4 times a week with one day of speed work to mix it up. This leaves me with the question of what is next.

I miss crossing a finish line

A part of me wants to sign up for a ton of races. I miss racing- the nervous energy before, the energy I get from the competition and the crowds, the feeling of accomplishment after. I'm also tempted to start training for something longer like a half marathon. I miss working towards a goal. After a couple years of running take a back seat (first because of nursing school and then because I was pregnant), I want it to be a bigger part of my life. A few times I've looked for races and started to sign up. But then I close the window before I actually register.

I have a lot on my plate right now. I have an infant. I just went back to work. I'm not sleeping a lot. I eat most of my meals with one hand while doing something else and it is all I can do to shower some days. It's nice that I can choose what workout I want to do each day depending on how much time I have and how I feel. There is no pressure. Racing is also going to be a lot harder logistically. My husband works overnights on the weekend so he needs to sleep during the day, leaving me with no one to watch the baby.

What to do?

I'll Never... 1st Edition

Before I became a parent there so many things I swore that I'd never do. We all do it. When I become a parent, I'll never ________________. In the 3 months since Cooper was born, I've found myself already doing some of the things I swore I'd never do. 

Here is the first edition of things I said I'd never do, but have done.

1) I'll never tip-toe around my house while the kid is napping. I wanted my kids to be used to napping with the sounds of the house happening around them. 

In his Easter bow-tie

Fast forward...... It took me 30 minutes to get Cooper to fall asleep and I know that if he doesn't nap, he will be a grumpy, screaming mess. Quite frequently my husband and I find ourselves whispering and tip-toeing around so we don't wake the baby. Rory has resorted to making margaritas in the garage because the blender is so loud (and we really needed a margarita).

2) I'll never have a rigid schedule and schedule everything around the baby.

 Fast forward........ When he was a newborn Cooper could nap anywhere, but in the last month or so he has had a much harder time falling asleep and staying asleep in his car seat, in the stroller, or in the Ergo. When we doesn't nap, he gets grumpy. He also gets very grumpy when we wake him up before he is ready. So here I am at the mercy of the baby's whims. We leave whenever he decides to wake up and come home when he decides he needs a nap. 

3) I won't force my baby to eat, he will eat when he gets hungry enough. 

Fast forward...... Cooper has thrown us a lot of curve balls when it comes to eating. For awhile he wouldn't eat on my left side, then he didn't want to eat on either side, now he doesn't want to take a bottle anymore. Each time we have gone to ridiculous lengths to get him to eat- like me side planking over him for an entire feeding- because something just feels so wrong about letting him get too hungry. 

Are there things you swore you'd never do (either as a parent or just in life) that you have found yourself doing later?

Just Me

Last week a friend asked if I was ready to go back to work. I responded that I was looking forward to going back so that I could be "myself," for a little while, meaning the pre-Mom me.

Fast forward to the night before I went back when I was crying as I nursed Cooper before bed. I already missed him and I hadn't even left yet. He was always at the back of my mind (and often at the front of my mind too) during my work day.

I know I am biased, but you have to admit he is pretty darn cute

I realized that being a Mom is a permanent part of who I am now. The old me isn't me anymore. The more I thought about it though, I recgnized that I didn't lose a part of myself, I grew. I gained so much.

I am a better wife because I appreciate my husband in a whole new way. It warms my heart to see the relationship he has with Cooper. I so appreciate everything he does to help me- particularly making sure I get my exercise time and making sure I get as much sleep as possible.

I am a better runner because I recognize how lucky I am to have some time to myself and recharge in the fresh air. I also have a new respect for the amazing things my body can do.

I am a better nurse because I have a new appreciation and compassion for what parents go through when their kids are sick.

I am an all around better person. I am more patient, more resilient, more appreciative of my family and friends, and my heart has grown so much.

The Best Banana Trick Ever

I bet that title got your attention. I couldn't think of any titles for this post (which is about bananas) that didn't sound a little dirty.

But seriously guys, this has changed my life. I like actual fresh bananas, but I've never really been a fan of banana flavored things. My college dining hall used to use up left over bananas in all kinds of desserts. It was the worst surprise ever when you bit into a piece of chocolate cake and it had a banana flavor. But never the end of my pregnancy when I was craving strange things I had a hankering for banana bread. I used this lovely cookbook that a friend gave me and the first step of the recipe was something I'd never done before. It called for roasting the bananas before baking with them.

Take the whole banana, peel and all and put it in the oven at 400.

Roast until the peels are black (10ish minutes depending on how ripe the bananas are)

Wait for them to cool and then slit the peel and squeeze out this lovely caramelized banana goodness. 

I've been using it for all kinds of stuff- in banana bread, in oatmeal bakes, and even just plain with a little greek yogurt and granola. 

Try it- you won't regret it!

Bananas- yeah or nay? What about banana flavored things?

You Never Know (Moments from my life that I didn't share)

I read this blog post last week about how a blogger that I have followed for awhile got over her body issues. What surprised me is not that she got over her issues, but that it was such a problem in the first place. After reading a blog for awhile I feel like I know the blogger. I always thought of this person as such a positive, love myself type of person. This reminded me that we see such a small, curated version of life on social media.

This is problematic because we often compare ourselves to these idealized images. No one's life is as perfect as they make it seem on the inter-webs. So in the spirit of full disclosure, here are some real life moments from my life in the past week. This is who I really am.

Moments I Didn't Instagram

real life with an infant

Tip-toeing into the kitchen and trying to silently (so that my husband won't know) get a third portion of dessert. Healthy living blogger right here.

Ordering Dominos during the blizzard and eating 3/4 of a stuffed cheesy bread, 3 slices of pizza dipped in garlic butter, and 1/2 an order of cinnastix. This was followed by a bag of goldfish over the course of the afternoon and then a full dinner and ice cream. Then, waking up with a food hangover and such a sense of regret and guilt the next morning.

The evening that the baby screamed for hours no matter what we did to try and soothe him. I was so frustrated at one point that I screamed back at him for a minute. Mom of the year.

Dumping breast milk all over myself and the floor at 3 am when I was pumping. That carpet is going to smell great this summer.

Cooper refusing to eat on my left side unless he was flat on his back and I was doing an awkward side plank over him. I'm glad no one got a picture because it wasn't pretty.


What were your fail moments of the week? Do you think it is important than we try to depict our lives more realistically, or do you think the whole point of social media is to allow us to show our lives as we want them to be?

Monday Mash-up

I keep having to come up with new names for this post because I keep running out of time to finish it! It started as fun things Friday, then was Saturday Stuff, then was Sunday stuff, and now it is Monday already. Life with a baby keeps you on your toes! Anyway, here is an update on what is new in my neck of the woods.

Running
I had 3 good runs last week! Yeah! 2 were on the treadmill due to babies and blizzards but I did make it outside once. I felt strong and my "speed" is starting to come back. I have really been struggling to get below a 10 min/mile average since the baby, but finally last week I dropped down to a 9:30 pace. Yeah!

Baby

Somehow my little guy is 2 months old! He is very interactive these days- smiling and "talking" to us, which is so fun! He has also been sleeping 5-6 hours more regularly. Hallelujah!  Of course, he is also throwing some challenges at us. He started screaming like he was in pain last week every time I tried to feed him on my left side. The lactation consultant thinks it is a musculoskeletal alignment issue so we have been desperately trying to get him into a DO for some osteopathic manipulation. In the meantime, I have gotten creative. He will eat on the left if he is lying flat on his back and I do an awkward side plank over him or if I stand up and hold him straight up and down. Neither are comfortable for me- but I try to think of it as an extra workout for myself! Despite this, he is still growing like a weed. He is 11 lbs, so he has almost doubled his birth weight, which usually doesn't happen until 6 months!

Blue Apron

We were gifted a few weeks of Blue Apron when Cooper was born and we just are finishing them. We had done Blue Apron a year or so ago and loved it, but I've been disappointed this time. I don't like how choosing one meal makes other meals that week unavailable. I lean towards vegetarian meals while Rory prefers meat, but we seem to have to get either all meat or all veggie dishes. Plus our boxes have arrived with spilled ingredients, incorrect ingredients, and spoiled ingredients. And they just don't taste as good as I remembered them being. Whomp. 

Anyone in the Portland area have a recommendation for a DO that sees babies?

Or any other recommendations for helping us get over this feeding hurdle?

Any recommendations for other meal delivery services?