Stepping Back

I mentioned last week that I am doing an EMR consulting job in Massachusetts for a couple weeks. It's strange because it is like going back in time 10 years ago when I did this full time. Except that now the travel is exciting: it feels like a treat to be by myself in a hotel room and have someone come and clean it every day, to get to eat out for all my meals, to have no one to care for except my myself.

Leaving Cooper is hard, but I find when I do get home that I am better mother. Having that break from the relentlessness of parenting is refreshing. When I get home I have a new enthusiasm- I am motivated to go on adventures, to make a mess with him on cooking projects, to come up with fun art projects. My regular nursing job also seems better when I return.

We all need this time away from the every day.  I can see this now from the other side. Yet it was so hard to convince myself to take these opportunities for change. I agonized about this consulting job and was so anxious leading up to it. Routine is comforting and familiar. Yet doing the same thing day after day can wear you down. I'm posting this now while it is fresh on my mind to remind myself. It is important to take those new opportunities, take the breaks. We ended up cancelling our vacation plans last year because all the travel logistics of flying with a baby just seemed like too much. I regretted it so much. We have a trip planned to Florida in January and I am already starting to worry about the travel. Kiersten, learn from this last experience. It will be worth it. Do not become one of those people who never does anything new or different.

Highs and Lows of our new House

We have been in our new house for over 2 months now. It actually seems like much longer than that- it feels like it has been our home forever! We've been there long enough that the novelty has worn off and we really realize what we love and don't love about the new house.

LOVES

Having more space- We almost doubled our living space and it is so wonderful. I don't feel like the whole house is taken over by Cooper's stuff anymore or like we are all on top of each other when we are all in the living room. We can even have lots of company and not feel too crowded!

plenty of room for Aunt Margaret to visit and pretend play "piggy" on the floor

the yard is pretty in the snow too!

Having a deck and yard- This one is such a game changer. I love to be outside and so do Sushi and Cooper. At our condo we had a small patio and green space, but it wasn't private. Our new deck is entirely enclosed so I can actually grill or sit and have a cocktail (before it got too cold) and not have to be chasing Cooper because he is running into the road. I can't wait until we fence the yard next spring so we can just let Sushi run too! It's such a game changer to be able to go out and play when we need a change of scenery instead of having to load up the car and drive somewhere. Plus no creepy neighbor who stares at me whenever I am outside!



Having a neighbor running buddy- My friend Bri lives right down the street. It's so nice to have a friend to run with, especially on these dark winter mornings!

Being closer to the Gym and the Highway- It's like 3 minutes to the gym which makes getting to early morning classes much easier. And we are right off a spur to the highway so my commute isn't nearly as frustrating traffic wise.

DISLIKES

I constantly have to wipe crap off the fridge

The kitchen sink- we had replaced our sink at the condo with a deep farmers sink, but now we are back to a small divided sink, It's impossible to wash large pots and pans and the highchair tray without getting water everywhere.

Stainless Steel Appliances- with a toddler they are more like constantly stained appliances.

The Tiny Bathroom- The upstairs bathroom is SMALL and has no counter space. We have to store our electric toothbrush on the back of the toilet because it has to be plugged into the only outlet and doesn't fit on the counter. I think this is so gross, but I haven't found a better solution. I rarely get to shower without Cooper accompanying me into the bathroom, so I have no floor space to dry off and get dressed after my shower.

My Running Routes- At my old house I had 3-4 routes that were loops that all went by the ocean. At the new house our neighborhood is between 2 busy roads, so I can either do a lot of small loops within the neighborhood, or have to deal with the traffic. And I don't get to see the ocean.


The Heat- I never thought I'd miss the electric heat at the condo, but I do! It let us turn on the heat in Cooper's room without having to heat the rest of the upstairs. In the new house our room and Cooper's room are in the same zone and the thermostat is in our room, So in order to make sure he is warm enough at night, we have to keep our room warm as well. I hate sleeping in a hot room- I'd much rather have it be 55 and use a ton of blankets.

What do you like and dislike about where you live?

Not a night owl

I've had the opportunity to do several short term EMR consulting jobs (my old job before nursing) this year. It's been nice to travel a bit and make some extra $$. However this time around they have me doing NIGHT shift. Wah Wah. At my last gig I was in at 6am, so I was getting up at 4 am to run before.

Getting up at 4 am didn't bother me. I am not a night owl. 9 pm is a late night for me. So going into work at 11 pm? Ug, it sucks. I've had a terrible headache and stomach ache all week.

It totally gives me a new appreciation for people who do this all the time, like my husband. He works midnights every single week- and doesn't get to sleep in a nice quiet hotel when he is trying to sleep during the day. He has a toddler screaming, a wife stomping, and a dog barking to disrupt hium,.


The only plus side is that I am actually getting to run in the daylight (at 3pm when I get up) instead of at 5:30 am!


Would you rather get up early or stay up late? Have you ever had to work overnight?

Back Again

Well hello! After another long absence, I’m back again. We had a very busy (but fun!) summer and then as that started to wind down, we bought a house and moved! I thought about this just being the end of my blog, but something keeps pulling me back. Writing helps me synthesize my thoughts in a unique way. Plus, we all need more social connections in our lives (although its entirely possible no one is reading this anymore)

 

So what’s up with me?

 

A new house! We’ve been casually looking over the past couple years but weren’t willing to get caught up in the crazy housing market. But we finally found a house we really liked at a fair price and figured it couldn’t hurt to make an offer. We were shocked to actually get it- and then had to get our butts in gear to sell our condo and move. Moving is the WORST, but it was worth it in the end. We moved to the next town over, into a great neighborhood with tons of kids. It is so nice having a yard and more space to spread out within the house itself.

 

Cooper

Cooper is a full blown toddler. He is running and climbing non-stop, talking up a storm, and tantruming big time when he doesn’t get what he wants. It’s so fun as he becomes more interactive and is able to do more. However it is also more challenging as we adjust to toddler behavior. I’m doing my best to work with him, but there are time I just have to drag him kicking and screaming.

 

Running

I’m still running, just not racing much. I ran a PR and finally broke 2 hours in my first postpartum half marathon back in May and then haven’t raced since! I had to bow out of the 2 races I had planned for the summer because of scheduling. I’ve just realized that racing frequently doesn’t work well with my life right now. I’m content to run 3-4 times a week for about 20 miles total. BUT one of the best things about our move is that I have a running buddy! My friend Bri lives just a few houses away and getting to meet a friend totally gets me out the door on these dark fall mornings.

 

 

SO given that running is a small, but vital, part of my life right now, this blog may have a different focus moving forward. But for now, I’m keeping the name, and we’ll just see where this goes.

 

Let’s catch-up. What’s new in your worlds?

 

34

my friend made me the most amazing cake!

I turned 34 on the 15th. Around my birthday I always like to reflect back on what the past year has brought me and what I want from the year ahead. This was the first year in several consecutive years that didn’t have a sentinel event that defined the year. I didn’t get married, change careers, or have a baby. Instead, it has been a year of figuring out who I am after the dust from all of those major events has settled. Although 34 feels a little scary to me because it means I am officially in my mid-thirties, I’m also okay with it because I feel like in the past year all the pieces have come together and I am just where I should be in my life. It's not at all where I would have predicted I'd be 10 years ago, but it feels so right.

Motherhood- This wasn’t literally the year I became a Mom, but I do feel like it is the year that being a Mom became part of my identity. When I turned 33, Cooper wasn’t even 5 months old. I was still very much in survival mode. A year later, I’ve found my groove and we’ve settled in (as much as you can settle with a constantly changing toddler). Instead of just surviving, I’m trying to parent with intention. I have more confidence in my decisions as a parent. I’m enjoying my child and watching him grow,

Work- Right now I’m working as a nurse 2-3 days a week, teaching a bootcamp class, teaching an aerial yoga class, and I hope do more short term consulting projects like the one I just finished. I kind of fell into this multiple jobs scenario as different opportunities presented themselves, but this seems to be the balance I’ve always looked for in my work life. I enjoy each type of work I do, but I am not feeling stressed and consumed by life like I did when I was working one fulltime job.

Running/Fitness- In some ways I feel like I’m in the best shape I’ve been in in years. I just set a PR in the half marathon! I’m pretty happy with all the muscles I see in the mirror! But I can also feel that maybe I’ve crested the mountain and I’m heading down the other side. I’m noticing that I have more aches and pains, that I don’t recover as quickly as I used to. I’m trying to be really good about mixing up my workouts, including lots of strength work, and including time for recovery (foam rolling, yoga, etc) every day.

It's taken 34 years, but I am learning to relax and roll with life instead of trying to control every little thing. It's made life infinitely easier and happier, so in that vein I'm not setting any specific goals for the year ahead. I just want to see what else the universe has for me. 

Time Machine

The past week I went on my first business trip since Cooper was born. I was gone for 5 nights, which was, by far, the longest I've ever been away from him. When the opportunity to do a short consulting project first presented itself, I was so torn. (A little background: before I became a nurse, I worked with electronic medical records and traveled ALL the time.) It was great opportunity financially, but it was so hard to choose to leave my child.

Watching me drive away

I went for it, but I was an anxious mess as the trip grew near. I doubted myself professionally-would I be able to do the job since I'd been out of the field for awhile? I felt so guilty. Would Cooper be okay with me? I felt guilty that my Mom and Aunt would have to come help with Cooper and that my husband would have to take on additional responsibility. I frantically tried to prepare everything at home for my absence- writing detailed instructions, cooking all of Cooper's favorite foods. The day I left I hugged him a hundred times and cried every single time. Leaving felt so wrong.

there are no calories in expense account ice cream right?

But then I was gone and everything was okay. Cooper was fine. I was fine, actually more than fine. I had such a great trip. I stepped right back into the EMR world as if I'd never left. I really enjoyed the work- it felt so good to be back in a job where I felt in control and like an expert. I haven't found that in my current job. After living really frugally because I've only been working part time, it felt like a treat to have an expense account and get to buy fancy coffee every morning and eat out. Even though I was working 12-13 hour days, it felt like a break because I only had myself to worry about. When I got back to my hotel at night, I could flop down on the bed and eat room service and watch TV. There was no baby to feed and bathe and get to bed.

It was a strange experience, almost like getting into a time machine and going back 10 years in my own life. It was nice to remember, and rediscover, who I am outside of being a mother. However, it was like New York City, nice to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. I love my child, I love my husband, I love being a wife and a mother. This reminded me though, that I can be both of those things and also myself. It is important to pursue my own passions and be my own person- it makes me a better mother in the long run.

The best Moms let you swim in your clothes

How I Broke 2 Hours in the Half Marathon

This past weekend I finally broke 2 hours in the half marathon. It wasn’t expected because my training was less than ideal and I felt terrible in the 10 mile race I did 3 week prior. As I reflected back, I came up with quite a few factors that all came together to result in a PR.

1)      I weigh less. I actually weight 5-10 lbs less than I did pre-baby. Unusual I know, and please don’t hate me because it certainly isn’t due to good nutrition. I was so sick the first half of my pregnancy that I lost weight instead of gaining. Then after I had Cooper my body thought I was feeding triplets. I fed my own baby and donated more than 1000 oz to NICU babies. All that milk production really helped my metabolism. Since I stopped breastfeeding, I've kept the weight off because I'm so busy chasing an active toddler I don't have much time to sit and eat. Even though the weight loss wasn’t intentional, it helped. Lighter=faster (to a point)

2)       Training conditions were challenging. I did most of my training runs in some combination of snow, high winds, ice, and very early mornings. So even though I didn’t necessarily hit the distances or paces I wanted for these runs, they did make me stronger and fitter.

3)      I did speed work. I go to the track once a week and although I don’t follow a formal training plan, including faster running regularly made faster paces more comfortable mentally and physically. This was especially true in the last mile of the race. I had the confidence of knowing Id run fast miles at the track recently.

4)      I nailed my nutrition. I took in more calories than I ever have in a half marathon, but I took them in smaller increments over a longer period of time. It worked.

5)      The pressure was off. I did not go into this race expecting a PR. I didn’t even check my watch until mile 9. I just ran a comfortable pace. So not only did I set a PR< but I enjoyed myself.

6)      The weather was perfect- low 50’s, mostly cloudy, slightly breezy.

I enjoyed this race so much and was so proud of my PR that I immediately wanted to sign up for another race to see if I could go even faster. Luckily I managed to suppress this initial urge and realize that isn’t the best thing for me right now. I ran this PR because I wasn’t trying to. I was healthy, the weather was perfect, and I’d had an easy week work wise the week before. The chances of all that happening again are slim. Plus this training cycle helped me see that distance running is just not the right thing for me and family right now. So instead of spoiling this accomplishment by trying to force in another race, I’m just going to enjoy it.

Maine Coast Half Marathon 2018

Well hello friends! Guess what I did yesterday....... I set a PR in the half marathon and finally broke 2 hours! If that's enough information for you, great, that's all you need to know. If you want the long version, keep reading.

I signed up for this race on New Year's Eve (after several margaritas). I thought "I gave myself a year after having a baby and now I am finally going to break 2 hours in the half." I started my training feeling very motivated. Then we had a terrible winter/spring where the cold, snow, and ice just never ended. And trying to find time for long runs with a baby and a husband who works overnights turned out to be more difficult than expected. The final straw was feeling absolutely horrible at the Portland 10 Miler, which I ran several weeks ago. I resigned myself to the fact that my life was not conducive to setting a PR right now and prepared to just run the race for fun.

I wasn't able to make it to packet pick-up Friday night, and I'd been warned that the parking could be a long walk from the start, so I left my house by 6am so I was there at 6:30. I parked, walked to the start, and got my bib all within 10 minutes of arriving. Luckily, the race started at UNE and we were able to hang out in the student center while we waited. So I was warm and had real bathrooms to use! My college friend Jen (who had to chaperone a school dance Friday night and thus had to leave her house in MA at 4 am!!) arrived a few minutes later and we caught up on life while we waited for the start.

Even though the race had less than 2,000 runners, it was a wave start. The first wave (with Jen in it) went off at 8 and my wave started 3 minutes later. At the 10 miler I went out as hard as I could and then tried to hang on. This time I was smarter and made myself hold back and go out at a comfortable pace. I turned my Garmin to the clock, so I couldn't see my pace, and ran by feel. I decided to do 6 minute run, 30 second walk intervals. The run-walk intervals really work for me. It breaks up the time mentally, helps keep my heart rate in check, and helps limit fatigue from the repetitive motion of running.

The first half of the race went so quickly. It was an out and back loop. We ran right by the house my childhood best friend's family rented in the summer, so I was busy reminiscing about that, listening to podcasts, and admiring the scenery. The majority of the course was right along the ocean and it was stunning. I alternated between looking out at the ocean and at the crazy, fancy houses along the water.

The second half did not pass quite as quickly. I really wished I'd studied the course map more carefully because I didn't realize we did an out and back loop in the other direction before returning to UNE. It was much longer than I expected and I just kept wondering when the heck we were going to turn around.

I brought one packet of GU Chomps and took 2 at miles 5,6,7, and 9 (I totally missed the mile 8 marker when I was going to take my last 2). I also took water at every water stop, which was every 2 miles. The chomps seem to work great for me in the half. I found they aren't enough in a full marathon, but they keep me going in the half, without feeling like they are weighing me down. I also find they are easier to munch on while running than gels.

I kept running by feel, I peeked at my overall time at mile 9 and realized that sub 2 might be a possibility. From that point I pushed a little harder, but didn't let myself obsess over my pace. I truly wanted to enjoy the race and not spend the last 4 miles trying to do the math about exactly how fast I would need to run.

Just before mile 12 I turned my watch back to the time screen. I saw 1:51 and realized that sub 2 was a definite possibility. It was game on! At that point I let myself go all out and gave it everything I had. I was passing people and felt great! Once again, I wished I'd studied the course because it turned off when I didn't expect it to. We ended up approaching the finish from the opposite direction we started. Since I didn't know exactly where the finish was, I had to trust the distance on my watch and just kept pushing. I saw the crowds and knew we must be getting close, but you couldn't see the actual finish until you were there because they had us turn off the road and go into a field.) I crossed the line and immediately looked at my watch. 1:59:20. I'd done it. Looking back after the race, I ran that last mile at almost an 8 minute pace!

Thankfully no one was waiting for me right there because I was doing a very unattractive combination of happy crying and dry heaving. I was just so darn happy and proud of myself.

I got my medal and my water bottle and found Jen. We headed over to the finish party area to stretch and chat about the race. We both agreed that the water was perfect. They had been calling for rain, but it ended up being partially sunny and in the low 50's with a nice sea breeze. I am so relived it wasn't hot!

We grabbed some food, but skipped the free beer. It was only 10 am, and I needed to be functional the rest of the day. I'm pretty sure the post race beer at the 10 miler contributed to my complete lack of desire to do anything the rest of the day. We definitely used our free ice cream tickets though- its never too early in the day for ice cream.

I would definitely do the race again. It was well organized, the course was beautiful, and the after party was fun. My only complaint is that it was fairly expensive to not have the race shirt included.

My Mom had come down to watch Cooper and told me to take my time, so after the race I enjoyed a solo trip to Khols to spend a gist card from Christmas and getting to grocery shop at the fancy new Market Basket in Biddeford. For a Mom, getting to shop alone and not rush is a real treat.

A day later and I'm still basking in the thrill of my PR and finally breaking 2 hours.

Happy Mother's Day all!

"Normal"

He was so small, and I was so tired

Since Cooper turned one I feel like I’m getting a lot of comments from people about how I must be glad that life is getting “back to normal.” While things certainly have settled down from the sleep deprived, this is all so new and scary newborn days, I don’t know that I’d call my life back to “normal.”

Before kids, normal was:

• Getting to go to the bathroom alone. Now I either have to deal with Cooper banging on the bathroom door and screaming or I can let him in with me and trying to keep him from unrolling and shredding the entire roll of toilet paper and/or finding things to throw through my legs and into the toilet
• Being able to prepare food and eat all of it with both of my hands. Now meal prep is punctuated with frequent stops to engage Cooper in a non-dangerous activity. During meals I have to stop to pick up thrown food, cups, utensils, etc at least once a minute. And even if we are eating the same thing, he always wants what is on my plate instead of his own.
• Not having my heart walk around outside of my body. I love my little guy so much- a hug from him just makes my heart explode with joy, but at the same time I’m so aware of how little and fragile he is.

I made a human and now I am responsible for making sure he grows up safely and with every opportunity and advantage I can give him. I won’t ever be back to “normal”. I think it is unrealistic the way we expect women to act as if there hasn’t been this massive shift that affects almost every aspect of our existence . Our bodies, and our lives, are permanently changed.  There shouldn’t be this pressure to immediately look exactly as you did before. We may need accommodations in public and at work in order to breastfeed our children. We may need altered schedules or responsibilities at work. We definitely need more help than we did before from our partners, our families, and our friends. There is no normal in a life with children, because they are constantly growing and changing. As mothers, we should be allowed to grow and change with them. 

Never having a hand for myself is the new normal

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I guess just please stop asking me about life getting back to normal. Please stop asking any new Mom. Don't give new mothers the false expectation, or pressure, that life will go back to the way it was before kids. This crazy life you are living now is the new normal. It's hard, but I love it.

Instead of brunch and naps, Sundays are now spend at the Children's museum

Portland 10 Miler

Hey Guys, I did a thing this weekend. I ran a race! It was my first race since last August, so it was exciting. I ran the inaugural Portland 10 miler. It fit nicely into my half marathon training and it is always nice to get to replace a long run with a race.

Packet pick-up was available the day before at Rising Tide (a local brewery). I thought it was a fun place to do pick-up and a lot of people took advantage of the beautiful day and sat outside with a beer after their got their packets. Unfortunately I had a whiny baby strapped to my back so we did not linger. The shirts were cotton long sleeve, which made me happy. I wear these all the time to sleep in and mine are all at least a decade old, so it is definitely time for a new one. The sizing seemed a big strange. The shirts were unisex so I got a small. It’s on the small side, but my friend’s medium was huge!

Race morning with a toddler who wants to be glued to your side is a challenge, but luckily the race didn’t start until 10 so I managed to get myself dressed, fed, bathroomed and out the door by 8:45. Parking was a bit of a mess. The race website just said parking was at Payson park (where the race started) but didn’t give any specifics. We saw one person directing traffic but as we turned into the road he indicated, he turned around, folded up his sign saying “race parking,” and walked away without giving any of the cars he had waved in any direction.

I went back and forth on what to wear. It’s been so cold training that I knew 50 something would feel very warm. But there was also a strong breeze off the water. At the very last minute (like literally 2 minutes before the start) I decided to run in a t-shirt and I sprinted to the car to drop my long sleeve shirt.

There were about 1,500 people in the race which seemed just about right. I had people around me the whole way, but it was never overly congested. The course started out in the park and then headed out to Baxter Boulevard along Back Cove. There is a lovely dirt trail along the cove here, but unfortunately they had us running on the road for the first mile and half of so. The road was really slanted and my legs were not happy with the angle.

My public goal was to stay under a 10 minute mile, but my secret goal was a 9 minute mile. I waited until I was about 4 miles into the race and settled into a steady pace to figure out if that might be possible and it was! In training I’ve been doing intervals of 8-9 mins running, 1 minute walking, but in the race I just kind of winged it. I walked through the water steps every 2 miles (I can’t run and drink) and took a couple walk breaks on the really steep hills.

At mile 5 we went up a long steep hill to the get to the top of Eastern Prom. The views were pretty, but the slant of the road bothered me again. We ran along the top of the prom for about a mile and then down a steep hill back to Baxter Boulevard. Running down the hill also didn’t do great things for my legs and feet. In general they were what held me back. Cardiovascularly I was fine, but my lower body felt achy and heavy.

I had hoped that since I ran 12.5 mile just a week and half ago that the 10 miles would feel easy. It didn’t. The last 3 miles were a struggle. I just couldn’t get my legs to move any faster and we were running into a strong headwind. The saving grace was that we did get to run on the dirt trail once we were back on Baxter Boulevard. The dirt was a lot gentler on my legs. I did not like the end of this race. We turned into the entrance to Payson Park and it felt like the finish should be right there. But instead we had to run up a slight incline for ¼ to ½ a mile. Gross. I didn’t have much a kick left in me, but I gave it what I had and finished in 1:30:09 for a 9:01 pace. Just 9 seconds over my secret goal. I’ll take it!

The medals and food were fine, nothing special. There was free beer as well, but the line to get into the beer area was super long so we opted to head out and go get lunch instead. We headed to Highroller Lobster Co for the ultimate post race food- lobster grilled cheese, fries, and beer. All of the above were amazing.

I crashed big time after lunch. The race really took it out of me. I was done. I managed a 15 minute dog walk later with the family but other than that I didn’t move much (except to go get Blizzards at Dairy Queen for dinner haha) and I went to bed at 8. I’m a little worried about my upcoming half based on how exhausted I was by the 10 miler, but I’m also not feeling great today so maybe I’m getting sick?

Overall I’d give this race a B. Organization was decent, course was decent, shirts are decent, just nothing too special.

How was your weekend? 

Aerial Yoga Teacher Training

This past weekend I did something really fun: I got certified to teach aerial yoga! When I first saw that the training was being offered at one of my favorite studios, I was really torn about signing up. It sounded so amazingly fun, but it was a big commitment, both in terms of time and money. My husband works on weekends so it meant finding 3 full days of childcare. It also meant giving up a day of paid work and paying a significant tuition.


In the end I decided to take the plunge though. I had been feeling a little burnt out and like I needed something exciting, inspiring, and fulfilling in my life. It's been awhile since I immersed myself in something new.

The training was 3 full days and it was a mix of yoga practice, classroom instruction, and practice teaching. It was so fun to learn some new aerial tricks, but I actually found it just as fun to practice teaching. Teaching aerial is a unique challenge because many times your students can't see you. So you really have to use simple, clear, cues to guide them. It's a good mental challenge to design a balanced class and then lead that class effectively.

I'm teaching some practice classes in the next month (they are free and at Tula if you are local and want to come and then I hope to be able to teach at least one class a week going forward. But even if I don't end up teaching, I'm glad I took the time for myself to dive deeper into a new passion. 

A New Job!

This morning I got to do something that I've wanted to do for a long time........ I taught my first class at my gym!

For years there was a metabolic conditioning class at 8 am Saturday morning that I loved. It was a great workout and I made a whole group of gym friends at the class. Our instructor left in May right as the gym was being sold. They ended up putting a different class in that time slot and we were all disappointed. We all gave it a try, but it just wasn't what we wanted. So we made our own class! For months I've been coming up with workouts for us to do out on the main floor. Our renegade group kept growing to the point where they asked me if I was interested in teaching an official class. I definitely was! I really enjoy putting the workouts together and leading them. Getting paid for something I like to do? Bonus!

I had 18 people at my first class this morning and it went really smoothly. The hardest part was getting myself and Cooper up, dressed, fed, in the car, to the gym, and into childcare in time to get ready for class!

It's really exciting to have something new in my life that I really enjoy!

What's new with you?

Rite of Passage

Last night I reached an important parent milestone- I caught my child's vomit in my hands. I'm a nurse, but I hate puke. Blood, poop, urine, pus, mucus- none of them bother me. As soon as I'm near vomit though, I start gagging.

Yet last night, when Cooper started to heave I instinctively held my hands in front of him. I get it now. It's really a selfish act. After cleaning the baby and myself the last thing I wanted to do was have to clean the carpet as well. Unfortunately, last night my hands couldn't contain the contents of Cooper's stomach. Luckily Rory was home and he took care of the carpet clean-up. That's love my friends.


What's the grossest thing you've done lately?

All the Bad things I Forgot About Long Runs

I've done 8 marathons and a lot (I've lost count)of half marathons, so I've done my fair share of long runs in my life. However, I haven't done one in more than 2 years and somehow in that time I forgot about all the not so pleasant things. It's just like childbirth- you forget all the bad parts. Yet this week's 11 miler brought it all back to me.

Chafing
Y tho? Seriously, how can my own skin inflict so much pain on itself? I forgot how much chafing sucks. It totally takes all the pleasure out of the hot shower after a run. And for 2 days afterward people keep asking if I'm okay because I am moving so weirdly. I've already put the Body Glide front and center in my bathroom so I can't forget this week.


Carrying Water
I have tried every water carrying device ever made and I've yet to find one I like. They ride up and fall down and usually lead to chafing (see above). Lots of public water fountains is maybe the only thing I'd like about living a big city. Here in Maine my only options are dirty snow or salt water.

Post Run Hunger
 I wanted to eat ALL the things. And I deserve to right? (this is how I always end up gaining weight when training for distance events).

What are your least favorite things about long runs?

Comparison

This morning I ran 9 miles, the longest run I’ve done since having a baby. It was wonderful. Despite starting at 530 am, I felt great. It was mild, the roads were clear, and there was a stunning sunrise. It was one of those runs where everything just clicked.

Then I finished and saved my run and saw that my over-all average pace was 9:47. My pride started to dissipate because I thought I was running so much faster. Then I went inside and looked at my phone while I stretched and saw that 7 years ago  today I had just finished the Antarctica Marathon, 4 years ago I was in Japan after the Tokyo Marathon, and 3 years ago I was in New Zealand getting ready to run the Mountains to the Sea Marathon. Suddenly 9 miles didn’t seem like such an accomplishment.

I’m finding this training for my first post-partum half marathon more challenging than I expected. Physically, my body has changed and I haven’t run longer than 6-7 miles in 2 years.  Practically it is really hard to fit in the training around work and being a Mom. It’s still too cold and snowy to take Cooper with me, so I have to run when someone else is around to watch him. Mentally, I struggle with comparing myself to what I used to be able to do. I used to run marathons and I used to run faster.

I’m trying to remind myself that I am in a different point in my life and comparing myself to what I used to do (or to other people) serves no purpose. I am doing the best I can do right now. But taking it easy on myself, is not one of my strong points.

When I Have Kids, I'll Never #2

As Cooper grows, so does my list of things I do as a parent that I said I’d never do. I did a post like this when he was just a few months old and I thought it was a lot of fun, so here’s #2!

1)      I said I’d never let my kids in the bathroom with me

I like my privacy. I don’t want my husband in there when I am going to the bathroom and I said I’d never let my kids in there either. Well it turns out letting Cooper in is easier than having him standing outside the door screaming and pounding on the door. Or even worse, hearing nothing but silence from outside and worrying that he has found a new way to try and kill himself.

2)      I said my house wouldn’t be overrun with toys

I am a neat freak, so I planned to be a minimalist parent. My kids wouldn’t need a thousand toys. I'd have a place for everything and clean up every night. Well it turns out people love to buy babies lots of toys (and we do appreciate it, really!) and that babies get bored quickly and do need quite a variety of stuff to keep them amused. As for keeping everything neat and organized? Our collection rapidly outgrew our storage containers and we quickly acquired some large items that didn’t fit in containers. By night time I am so completely exhausted that the last thing I want to do is clean, especially when I know it will all just get messy again first thing in the morning.

3)      I said I’d never let my kids eat in the car and trash the backseat

Cooper is not a fan of the car right now. Turns out I’d rather have to vacuum up huge quantities of Cheerios every few days than listen to him scream the whole time we are in the car.

And then of course there is the whole separate category of  things so strange that I never even imagined I’d be doing them. Like try to get a decent picture of your child’s butt crack in order to show the doctor his diaper rash. It involved multiple lamps to get the right lighting and then a lot of coordination as I tried to simultaneously hold his cheeks apart so you could see the rash, keep him from launching himself off the changing table, and hold my phone and take a picture.

Total Body Drop Set Burnout Workout

My gym has cancelled a lot of my favorite classes. But every cloud has a silver lining, and in this case it has forced me to get out on the gym floor and create my own workouts more. I really have enjoyed this. It has forced me out of my rut of always doing the same exercises for 3 sets of 12 reps. I created this one Tuesday that was inspired by this workout on Peanut Butter Fingers.

A drop set workout was a great change of pace and a good way to really fatigue my my muscles! I was SO sore after this workout!

For superset 2 I did all the reps on each leg for the squats and deadlifts.

I used a mini band for all of super-set 4. It was easier than putting on just for the monster walks and it made the jump squats and long jumps harder!

Inspire me- what workouts are you doing lately?

The Big 3

Sadly this post isn’t about This is Us, even though I love, love that show. It’s about running outside, which I finally got to do this morning. 

I have missed seeing the sun rise

I've been spending an awful lot of time on the dreadmill this winter. There are 3 primary factors that determine if I go out or stay in: darkness, cold, and road conditions. I can handle any one of these factors alone, but when they combine I usually head to the treadmill.  

Dark + cold = Outside, except for extreme cold (which for me is usually when it is below 5 or 10).

Dark + slippery = Inside. It’s not worth falling and getting hurt or hit by a car because I have to run in the middle of the road in the dark.

Cold + slippery= Depends. If it is super slippery and super cold I usually opt to stay in because I can’t run fast enough to warm up.

Unfortunately this winter it has often been all 3- dark, cold, and slippery- which means my treadmill has been getting some heavy use. I’ve gone through the entire season of Fuller House (which is totally terrible and cheesy, but nostalgia so I watch it anyway) and 3 full seasons of Friends. I know I'm lucky to have the option of running on a treadmill in my own basement rather than not being able to run. It is better than nothing, but it just isn't the same. I don't get the same mental benefits or runners high when I am inside. 

How do you decide whether to run outside or inside?

One

Just like that, my baby is one. I truly can't believe it. We celebrated with a puppy picnic over the weekend.

I was totally expecting this to be a Pinterest fail, but it wasn't!

So many babies, so much fun

I'm not sure he's really my kid, he was not a fan of cake. 

My husband bought a bounce house for the party, despite the fact none of kids can even walk!

It's so amazing how in just one year Cooper went from this tiny, sleepy, helpless baby to a real little person with his own personality and preferences. In some ways the year went so quickly, but at the same time I can hardly remember what life was like before him.

Becoming a parent is the most life changing thing I've ever done. It's challenged me in so many ways. It's physically demanding. It's challenged my relationships with my husband and my friends. It's forced me to look at my own values and determine what I want to pass on to Cooper. Nothing is just about me anymore.

It's been really hard, but a year in I feel like it's made me a better person. I feel like I'm more present, more focused, more joyful, less selfish, healthier, and stronger. Thank you Coop, for choosing me as your Mom.

Balance

It's 3 pm on Saturday, Cooper just went down for his afternoon nap, and I'm having a debate with myself. Do I tackle sorting through the 3 enormous tubs of outgrown baby clothes or do I take a break and do some yoga? I feel like I have some version of this debate every day, and that no matter what I choose I end up feeling badly.

So far today I got up, took care of the dog, got myself and Cooper dressed, fed, packed up and to the gym by 8. I came up with a circuit workout and led myself and a group and friends through it. Then back at home, I made and fed Cooper breakfast and put him down for a nap. While he slept, I took the dog for a short run, took a shower (where I noticed how dirty and the shower and bathroom were so I cleaned them), cleaned out the humidifiers, and did a huge amount of food prep for the week. Once Cooper was up, I gave him a bottle, and then we headed out to return some Christmas presents (clothes for him that were already too small) at 3 different stores. I attempted to keep a baby entertained when we waited in long lines, 3 different times. On the way back, we stopped to visit a friend's new condo and drop off a house warming present. We rushed home because Cooper was very hungry, so I attempted to feed him, feed myself, talk to my husband for 5 minutes before he headed to work, and clean up the kitchen which was still a mess from food prep. I collected all linens in the house and threw in a load of laundry, before getting the baby ready for a nap. And here I am.

One of my New Year's intentions this year was to slow down, to be more intentional, to find moments in each day for myself.

It's so hard.

I'm so type A. I always have a list of things to do. I willingly take on much of the responsibility of running our household. At some level, I get a deep sense of satisfaction from being busy and productive. But it is also exhausting. I know it's important to find ways to relax and rejuvenate or I am going to burn out. Yet when I try to do things for myself, I feel guilty that I am not doing anything productive. And when I am doing something productive, I feel guilty that I am not relaxing.

There's no neat conclusion here, but I'd love to hear tips on how you find balance in your lives.

Duh

For Christmas I asked for some new running socks because mine were all in sad shape. My wonderful aunt got me a bunch of pairs of Smartwools, including one pair of crew (mid calf) style socks. This is something I never would have gotten for myself. I was raised in a time where tall socks were just not cool. Although apparently the look is back in based on the number of teenagers I see in shorts and tall socks. (I just don't get it, it looks so dumb).

OMG the taller socks are amazing for winter running. They are under my tights, so no one can see them. No more frozen ankle between my pants and socks! No more snow inside my socks! Best of all they also seem to help keep my tights from falling down as I run (I swear I spend half my run yanking my pants back up).

It's just always amazing to me how we get stuck in such ruts, and it often takes someone else to help us see the obvious and get us to change. I'm totally team crew for the rest of the winter.

Comeback

Well hello. It's been awhile, but I'm okay with that. I gave myself all of 2017 to focus on my new role as a mother to this adorable guy. I can't believe he is almost one!

That meant that I didn't commit to any major running (or blogging) goals in 2017. It was absolutely the right decision. It kept the pressure off and made running and working out a treat rather than a chore. 

But now somehow it is 2018. I had been struggling with what I wanted to do fitness wise this year. Part of me was itching to get back to training and racing longer distances, but another part of me loves just being able to do what I feel each day. 

Last night I had a couple of margaritas at home with the hubby (because who doesn't want a frozen drink when it is -10). Before I knew it I found myself signing up for 2 races!

Well there you go. Apparently my sub-conscious really wanted to race! I'll be doing the inaugural Portland 10 miler in April and then the 2018 Shipyard Maine Coast Marathon in May. I'm excited to start coming up with a training plan, but also glad I have some time because it is frigid here and the roads are still so icy. Who wants to train and race with me??

As for blogging, I make no promises, but I hope to be on here more. 

Happy New Year Friends! What are your plans for the new year?