You should know better

I was talking to a woman at the gym the other day and tolf her about my attack, because she lives nearby and is a runner I wanted to warn her. She said, "well you should know better than to run alone as a woman." The more I think about this, the angrier it makes me. First, it makes it seem like getting attacked was MY fault, which I don't think it in any way is.




I'm also really struggling with the whole gender issue here. Yes, I am a woman, but I have never seen this as limiting the things I can do. Yes, I like pink and pedicures, but I also lift weights and change my own oil. I can't reconcile myself to the idea that an unchangable part of myself would control what I can and can't do.



And not run alone? I travel 90% of the time and live on an island in Maine the rest of the time. It is practically impossible for me to find a running buddy.



Finally, I hate the idea I should be expecting people to hurt me or take advantage of me. I ran this morning at 5am and I was terrified the whole time. I jumped at every little noise and movement. I want to be able to trust people. I want to assume that most people are good at heart.



Am I overly naive?

what you took

You wanted a silly toy
and you did not get it
You took something much more precious
the weightlessness of running through the darkness
the beauty of the sun rise
the solitude of the trail
the deep cleansing of a run in the rain
the childish joy of a run in the snow
the fun of running through a pile of leaves
the exhilaration of racing all out
the cool squish of the wet grass beneath my bare feet
the rush from blasting my favorite song
the peace of losing myself in thought
because now I do not notice these things
I can not do these things
I am too busy listening
I am too busy looking
for you.

Attack

This morning when I was running on my favorite trail right by my house I was attacked. I had passed a young guy when I was heading into the trail, and he stepped aside to let me go by. Then about 20 minutes later I heard heavy footsteps running up behind me, then hands around my neck, and I was tackled to the ground. I started struggling and managed to turn myself around to face my attacker, and saw the guy I passed earlier on the trail. He was wearing a face mask so all I could see was his dark eyes. He grabbed at my i-pod and I started kicking and screaming. He lept to his feet, scaled the steep hill to our right, and then was gone. The whole thing lasted less than a minute.
I didn't want to follow the trail back the way my attacker had run so I went the other way and figured I'd cut up through a yard to the road. Luckily, I cane upon another runner who I recognized from other runs a few hundred feet up the trail. I explained what happened and he offered to escort me out of the trails. It was only about 1.5 miles on the road back to my house, but I was looking behind me the whole way.
I was okay until I got home. Then I saw my roommate and burst into tears. I called the police and could barely get my words out. I'm still amazed by the police response. Within minutes there were about 10 squad cars at the scene with 6 more state tropper canine units on the way. The dogs found the guy's sweatshirt and hat dropped on the trail, but he was long gone. After 4 hours of standing around shivering (I was still in my sweaty running clothes) and starving (I hadn't had breakfast yet), they let me go home. And now I'm home with the heat cranked and the door locked.
It could have been so much worse. I know I'm lucky. But I also feel betrayed and angry. That was my favorite running trail, and now I'll never be able to run it alone again. I have to run alone most of the time because of my travel schedule and I doubt I'll ever feel fully safe again. Why did some stupid teenager have to take that away from me? For an old i-pod that he didn't even get? There are 50 police offers out looking for him, and they will find him, and he will be punished. Was it really worth it?

On the road

So this is my last week at my current job. I didn't manage to finagle much time off between jobs, but I did get Friday off, so I'll do my 17 miler then so I'm fresh for my 6 am flight on Monday. The question will be the on-going training once I'm traveling. I know I won't get up at 2 am in order to get in a long run before a 6 am flight. I know I'll be fried after taking a red eye home and not want to run then either. Any road warriors out there? Any advice?

Genetics

I read an interesting article the other day about how it is largely genetics that determines whether or not you find exercise enjoyable. It's an interesting concept and one that I've been thinking a lot about lately, particularly over the weekend.

I met my sister in New Hampshire to climb Mt. Washington for her 16th birthday. She's my half-sister actually, and 10 years younger than I am. When she was younger we adored each other and spent a lot of time together, but in recent years we've grown apart. Part of that is my fault- I've been busy establishing a post collegiate life. I don't go to my Dad's house regularly. That's partially because I'm busy, and partially because I just don't enjoy being there anymore. My step-mom seems to reign over the house, and no matter what my Dad and I do, it isn't right. My sister is picking up that same attitude, and honestly just isn't that pleasant to be around. Most of the time she doesn't speak to me, and if she does, it is to complain.

But climbing, she was happy, and we were happy. We're both athletes, and somehow being in motion broke down the walls between us. In sneakers and light jackets we charged up the mountain, passing hikers that were far better equipped. At the summit we stood knee high in the snow, shivering, and almost getting knocked over by the wind, but grinning from ear to ear. When we got near other hikers we both instinctively kicked into a higher gear in order to pass them. When we got back down to the base, and realized our ride wasn't there, we both were eager to try another loop while we waited. We both have that drive to push ourselves. Then we got back in the car, and she returned to her sullen self, grunting responses and complaining about my choice of movies and restaurants. So I'll have to cling to those moments on the mountain.

Ellie's Inspiration

Over the weekend I went to a funeral for my grandmother's best friend, Ellie. From the moment she was born, at just 1.5 lbs, Ellie faced major obstacles. She spent her early days in the wood-stove to stay warm and drank sour milk. She grew into a thriving toddler, that befriended the little girl next door, my grandmother. That friendship endured until the day my grandmother died, despite time and distance. They saw each other when they could, and wrote long letters many times a week. This is a lesson to me, I have no friendships this close despite having so many ways to connect.

As the oldest of 6 children, Ellie went to work in a factory in order to support the family, so her brothers and sisters could go to college and peruse their dreams. Ellie went on to work as a farmer, a housekeeper, a nanny, a grocery store clerk, and finally at the age of 79 she decided to take on a new job caring for the "elderly." None of the jobs was easy or glamorous, but Ellie did all with spirit and a smile. Ellie's husband was killed in WWII, leaving her with 2 young daughters to raise. Her daughter Lindy spoke at the funeral saying "I realize now things weren't easy, but we never knew that. Mom made an adventure out of everything. We'd hop in the back of the car, sitting on buckets, because it didn't have a backseat, and drive until we got tired. Then we'd get out and have a picnic and see what we could find." Adventure was in Ellie's soul. She, her sisters, and sometimes my grandmother went on many trips, everywhere from Amish country to Las Vegas. Her sister Ruthie recalled one trip to Acadia national park where their hotel reservation was lost. So they found a local church and camped with the hippies in the basement.

Facing some major changes, I am trying to channel Ellie's spirit and look at life as an adventure. We can't choose what life throws at us, but we can change how we deal with it. Ellie would not want us to dwell on her death, she would want us to throw a party and hop in the car and head off into the unknown to see what we can find.

Thanks to the rain gods.

Well it was about 100% humidity during my run this morning, but the downpours held off until 20 minutes after I finished. Thank you to the rain gods.

The run was decent. It was my first try with the run walk method- I did 5 minutes running and 1 minute walking. I averaged under 10 minute miles, so I'm happy. I think the biggest benefit for me was metal, in that I only thought ahead to the next walk break, which is a lot easier than looking ahead to the end of run.