Time Machine

The past week I went on my first business trip since Cooper was born. I was gone for 5 nights, which was, by far, the longest I've ever been away from him. When the opportunity to do a short consulting project first presented itself, I was so torn. (A little background: before I became a nurse, I worked with electronic medical records and traveled ALL the time.) It was great opportunity financially, but it was so hard to choose to leave my child.

Watching me drive away

I went for it, but I was an anxious mess as the trip grew near. I doubted myself professionally-would I be able to do the job since I'd been out of the field for awhile? I felt so guilty. Would Cooper be okay with me? I felt guilty that my Mom and Aunt would have to come help with Cooper and that my husband would have to take on additional responsibility. I frantically tried to prepare everything at home for my absence- writing detailed instructions, cooking all of Cooper's favorite foods. The day I left I hugged him a hundred times and cried every single time. Leaving felt so wrong.

there are no calories in expense account ice cream right?

But then I was gone and everything was okay. Cooper was fine. I was fine, actually more than fine. I had such a great trip. I stepped right back into the EMR world as if I'd never left. I really enjoyed the work- it felt so good to be back in a job where I felt in control and like an expert. I haven't found that in my current job. After living really frugally because I've only been working part time, it felt like a treat to have an expense account and get to buy fancy coffee every morning and eat out. Even though I was working 12-13 hour days, it felt like a break because I only had myself to worry about. When I got back to my hotel at night, I could flop down on the bed and eat room service and watch TV. There was no baby to feed and bathe and get to bed.

It was a strange experience, almost like getting into a time machine and going back 10 years in my own life. It was nice to remember, and rediscover, who I am outside of being a mother. However, it was like New York City, nice to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. I love my child, I love my husband, I love being a wife and a mother. This reminded me though, that I can be both of those things and also myself. It is important to pursue my own passions and be my own person- it makes me a better mother in the long run.

The best Moms let you swim in your clothes