Balance

It's 3 pm on Saturday, Cooper just went down for his afternoon nap, and I'm having a debate with myself. Do I tackle sorting through the 3 enormous tubs of outgrown baby clothes or do I take a break and do some yoga? I feel like I have some version of this debate every day, and that no matter what I choose I end up feeling badly.

So far today I got up, took care of the dog, got myself and Cooper dressed, fed, packed up and to the gym by 8. I came up with a circuit workout and led myself and a group and friends through it. Then back at home, I made and fed Cooper breakfast and put him down for a nap. While he slept, I took the dog for a short run, took a shower (where I noticed how dirty and the shower and bathroom were so I cleaned them), cleaned out the humidifiers, and did a huge amount of food prep for the week. Once Cooper was up, I gave him a bottle, and then we headed out to return some Christmas presents (clothes for him that were already too small) at 3 different stores. I attempted to keep a baby entertained when we waited in long lines, 3 different times. On the way back, we stopped to visit a friend's new condo and drop off a house warming present. We rushed home because Cooper was very hungry, so I attempted to feed him, feed myself, talk to my husband for 5 minutes before he headed to work, and clean up the kitchen which was still a mess from food prep. I collected all linens in the house and threw in a load of laundry, before getting the baby ready for a nap. And here I am.

One of my New Year's intentions this year was to slow down, to be more intentional, to find moments in each day for myself.

It's so hard.

I'm so type A. I always have a list of things to do. I willingly take on much of the responsibility of running our household. At some level, I get a deep sense of satisfaction from being busy and productive. But it is also exhausting. I know it's important to find ways to relax and rejuvenate or I am going to burn out. Yet when I try to do things for myself, I feel guilty that I am not doing anything productive. And when I am doing something productive, I feel guilty that I am not relaxing.

There's no neat conclusion here, but I'd love to hear tips on how you find balance in your lives.